i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
