Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You're like the curious george of whores
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
