I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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