We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just want to make out with him forever
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
