i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
