I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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