the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
