when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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