So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
