I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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