Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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