i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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