i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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