It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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