This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
