the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My dick has a subreddit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
