She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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