She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
