so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
