We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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