exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
