Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
