Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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