hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
