I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
