I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
