this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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