i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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