Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
