evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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