Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
