"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
