So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
