In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
