You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
