I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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