Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
