Your mouth is God's brothel.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
is it fun? or sober?
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