i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
