He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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