Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
