The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
