I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
