but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
