Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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