About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
