.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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