Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Please don't give away my fajitas
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
