you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
