yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
