For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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