i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
